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im a skeptic, i always have been. that is until i fell in love. doesnt mean i those mushy-gooey-i-believe-love-makes-the-world-a-better-place kind of person, because i am not. dont think i will ever be. the point i want to make is, i try and learn to accept that this person, is there to make me feel whole, to make me feel better about myself, to always be there for me.

it is not easy being in a relationship, there is no fairytale, and definitely no derek shephard. but as skeptic as i am, i am also a romantic, once in a while, i liked to be romanced. once in a while, i like to be treated like a princess. not that i am not now, but it’s scary to think, “what if this all ends one day when i wake up?” or for that matter, when he wakes up?

the “what-if”s in a relationship is what scares me. i think i have abandonment issues, and that is why i am afraid of commitment. but once i made that commitment, please promise you will stay, even if the future is uncertain. i see more break-ups than happily-ever-after, and i want to believe we are one of those happily-ever-after people. even if we both do not believe in happily ever after, but we could be those happily-ever-whatever people.

it’s not going to be easy, but it’s going to be worth it. im not going to be easy, but we are going to be worth it. i dont need big promises of a ever after, or that we’ll get married and have kids, i just need to know that whatever it is, whether i pushed you away or im being difficult, i just need to know, you will always be there.

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dear 2012,

please slow down, i cant catch up. i feel that im still stuck in 2011. its not like i still write my dates as 2011, its just, my thoughts are still in 2011. i havent really bring forward anything yet. and here you are, going too fast for me to enjoy the sights and before i know it, i reach the end of the journey. not necessarily bad, because it means home is at the end of it. but too fast, i cant catch up.

i know you’re making no exception for me, but just give me some time to organise myself. i feel so scattered. maybe its because im into my 2nd half of year two now, or maybe because my school term ends in mid march and it means im going for internship soon (which im still unsure whether im more excited or more scared about) but, i just want to enjoy the process and not rush through things. i enjoy a good ol’ breeze, but dont breeze by so fast like a gust of strong wind. 2012, im sure you’re nice and unlike everyone who’s saying you’re going to end mankind. because so far, you’ve been nice and friendly to me, and i think for many others too. i think im going to love you, you just need to give me some time to know and love you.

you’re just too fast.

sincerely,

girl who desperately wants to enjoy 2012.

doing an essay on the peranakan culture, and it occurred to me how men are literally just desperate. men not human beings men, but men as in males. a little introduction to the emergence of peranakans: when china established a trade route to java, and then the british open up singapore and penang as trading ports, many chinese merchants and traders migrated to indonesia, singapore and penang. they could not bring their wives along because the imperial edict by the emperor then stated that women were not allowed to leave china. so these chinese merchants and traders ended up marrying local women and starting a family in these new places. and so, their off-springs are called peranakans, mainly meaning mix-bred.

what i dont understand is, if a man is already married back in china, why marry again in a foreign land? my only explanation is that they are desperate, and want to save money on paying for sex, so they just got married instead. i might be over-analysing this. but really, just fast-forward this to the 21st century. what if a your husband is going overseas for his work and is unable to bring you along for whatever the reason, then he end up marrying a local woman abroad? if it doesnt make sense now, it doesnt make sense then either.

not saying anything bad about any race of males for that matter a fact, im just saying males in general. whether they are chinese, english, indonesian, etc, doesnt matter. im sure during that time when trade routes and expeditions to foreign lands prosper, many men from all over were leaving their country to look for greener pastures elsewhere, and many did not bring their wives and families along. but what made them think that it was acceptable to marry again? did they even think of their wives back home?

oh, i think im thinking way too much, its all in the past now, not like men now are going all over the world and leaving their wives behind to go marry women in other countries. i need to get back to my essay. 500 more words to go.

my classmate offered me gum today because im singaporean. seriously, these ang mohs should educate themselves better and not be so ignorant. yes, singapore bans gum, but not the act of chewing gum itself. the government bans the import and sale of gum. so yes, you can chew gum if you brought them in from overseas for personal consumption. yes, you can chew gum in singapore, the police will not fine you, but im not too sure if you start spitting them any old how freely.

im getting sick and tired of the gum question every single time when i say im singaporean. can’t you guys come up with something new like “is singapore really that hot and humid?” or “do singaporeans really speak 4 languages?” that will be a refreshing change from, “oh, you cant chew gum in singapore right?”

election results are out. PAP won 81 seats out of 87. 5 of those was won by a walkover, so really, nothing to be really proud about. i did not expect anything less, but i felt that potong pasir should not have lost to PAP. after 20 years under Mr. Chiam See Tong, it felt kind of “wrong” that Potong Pasir has now come under PAP. looking at Mr. Chiam walking out of deyi secondary school was sad. the way he needed assistance, his supporters chanting his name and he humbly said “thank you, residents of bishan.” i don’t know, but the moment felt so heartwrenching. this whole election campaign must not been easy for him. trusting potong pasir in the hands of his wife, Lina Chiam and venturing into bishan. his health may have been an issue for residents of bishan, but i believe that if Mr. Chiam is standing for election, he definitely has the capability to manage for another 5 years. he believed in himself and also residents of bishan, i thought the residents of bishan would have believed in him too. while many were outraged by PAP’s win in potong pasir, i was just wondering, how Mr. Sitoh Yih Pin will try to win loyal supporters of Mr. Chiam over. lift-upgrading? new splash of paint? parks? playgrounds? fitness corners? if the residents wanted those, they would have turned to PAP 5 years ago. less than 24 hours after the results have been announced, a petition for by-election in potong pasir has been held. will it make a difference? to appease the residents of potong asir, will a by-election be granted? PAP has said that they will listen to the voices of the people. the people of potong pasir have spoken, are they listening?

Workers’ Party did put up a good fight by winning hougang and aljunied. PAP’s lost in aljunied was a pity, singapore lost an abled minster Mr. George Yeo. i was happy that Workers’ Party won, it was a moment of history for singapore and Workers’ Party, but really upset that it was against George Yeo. he should have contested in other GRCs, like for example, joined Goh Chok Tong’s team in marine parade and out Tin Pei Ling. yes, like everybody else, i may not like Tin Pei Ling. but i believe since she’s been elected alongside Goh Chok Tong’s team, why don’t we all be gracious and give her a chance. if along the way, she’s really incompetent as she looks, then we all can tell PAP, “we told you so.”

this election has been the most exciting one since i was born. pity i couldnt be in singapore for all the action. history has been made, the Workers’ Party has won 6 seats compared to only 2 in the last election. although NSP hasnt won any seats, but i’m sure they will come back stronger in 5 years time. residents of aljunied have also proved change is possible, and Workers’ Party finally won a GRC after PAP remained undefeated since 1965. this election, i thought, finally the gen Y are searching for a voice, and making their own voices heard. but there are also young adults out there who strongly believe in PAP, who despite all, want “lift upgrading”.  this is going to be a very exciting 5 years, to the PAP who has won, its time to prove that you’ve heard us, and you are actually doing something about it. and to Worker’s Party, its time of change and bringing singapore forward under your leadership.

this year, i get to vote in the general election. which means, i get a say in choosing the party i believe in. with the on-going rallies and heated drama of PAP and the Opposition parties, i was actually quite surprised to see many of my friends so engaged in politics. but then again, this concerns the future of singapore, the future laws and prepositions that would be implemented in light of the new parliament. if you have friends supporting the Opposition, you would have friends who would support PAP too. not that im saying its wrong, i just don’t feel the same.

on some terms, i must agree. yes, without the PAP, singapore would not have grown from a small fishing village to a bustling developed country it is today. the PAP has also made sure the economy stayed strong in times of crises. but as singaporeans become more educated, we see the loopholes in the system. i cannot deny the fact that without LKY, we would not be what we are today. singapore might be like her neighbours with problems like racial disharmony, poverty, unstable economy and such. but we are no fools anymore compared to 30 years ago. if everything in the system is beneficial not only to the ministers, but also to singaporeans, why is transparency so limited?

PAP has led singapore well and good throughout her developing years, but its time that we are not treated like fools. a financial analyst in the business times analysed this election, and SM Goh explained that in the article, it was said that “in good times, votes for PAP goes down. and in bad times, votes for PAP goes up”. i hardly think so. i think it is because people now are more aware, we are beginning to see through the loopholes. Minister Mah Bow Tan said that housing now are more affordable as there is now a longer housing loan. but is it really more affordable when you have a longer housing loan? it simply means, for that same amount, you spend a longer time paying for it. so instead of paying it off for 20 years, now you have 30 years, cheers to that.

don’t get me wrong, i don’t think a parliament with solely the Oppostion will do singapore any good. but a balanced one is the key for singapore and her people. if everything that PAP said was truly for the betterment of singaporeans, why all i hear from PM Lee’s speech is an underlying message that if PAP wins, money is one issue that we don’t have to worry about, as long as we don’t question, we get stability and peace. is that really true? the Opposition raised many flaws in PAP’s system. one most brought up was the ministers’ salaries. and i have not heard one PAP member say that if it upsets singaporeans so much that he earns at least 5 times an average singaporean does, he doesnt mind lowering his salary.

this is the year i get to vote, but i cant. simply because i forgot to register as an overseas voter. as a first-timer voter and being overseas, i did not even know i had to register, so thanks so much for being so informative dearest government. 5 years ago, i might have not cared about the election, but now, i feel so much more connected to home than ever. this election has made me realised so many things i took for granted before. so young singaporeans, its your first time voting, listen carefully and vote wisely.

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